Kamryan Collis
From The Beginning - What Inspires a Girl and Her Desires...
What does a girl desire? What inspires her? These are straightforward questions. Yet, since I
personally am a girl you would think it would be quite simple for me to answer. However, it took
me some time to really think back to what I truly wanted out of life. Not just now but from the
beginning; what did I want, who did I want to be and what did I want to become. After some
intensive research which consisted of some light soul searching and asking my best friend her
opinion, I narrowed down a few basic things that every girl wants from the very beginning of life
that have remained consistent up until this point. Those being acceptance, self-worth, a purpose
and last, but not least, love. Though the last one is painstakingly cliche, it is nonetheless true.
Out of all these desires I would say “acceptance” is one of the hardest things to battle with when
you are a young girl. It feels like everyone is against you and you feel like you cannot trust
yourself all at the same time. Being a young girl comes with a territory of its own. For starters,
you have all these dreams and aspirations, some change and evolve over the years while
others are not quite as easy to shake. Although, along with your own passions you have the
expectations of family, friends, and the world around you. For some girls it is the world and the
desire to be liked and accepted by everyone. For others it is the ones they love and those that
are closest to them; personally, I struggle with both notions.
When I was younger, I relied heavily on what my family thought of me and what they wanted
from me and for me. As I got older, I became obsessed with what people at school would think if
I did this or that or what I was wearing. And heaven forbid if a boy looked in my direction
because that could provoke a mental rabbit hole of its own. I used to struggle with wanting to be
accepted for my makeup and my fashion trends, but never for who I was as a person. I think
every girl can relate to trying a winged liner for the first time and feeling your eye burn from
wiping it off for the fifth time in a row. Hoping, maybe, just maybe, no one will notice that one is
crooked and the other has a different shape. Or sweating and being out of breath in the Forever
21 dressing room after trying to get into or get out of your first pair of skinny jeans. Trying so
hard to have the Beyonce body and faking the Michelle Obama confidence has been a struggle
of its own.
The one thing that all these situations were missing was my own personal self-worth. It is not
that I did not think I had value, I just did not yet respect myself enough to be honest about what I
wanted or who I was. At times it feels as if people are against you but, you must be true to who
you are above all else and just forget what the rest of the world has to say about it. Being free
like this and feeling completely empowered in this way made it a lot easier for me to find out
who I was as a person as well as my passions in life. A girl finding her purpose in life and love
somewhat go hand-in-hand; at least for me both do.
Personally, I am someone that plans and thinks, and at times overthink everything... and I mean everything. Especially when I was younger, I would play with my dolls and fantasize about being a teacher, having a family, a huge house, and living a fairytale life. To be truly honest, I am still that way but now I can see the reality past all the imaginary harp music, clouds, and rainbows. However, the more I embraced the person that I truly am I was able to realize my passion and purpose in life. I was inspired by Oprah Winfrey to pursue a career in writing and journalism. I remember watching her show every day after school. There was one particular episode that aired where Ms. Winfrey empowered me to finally decide on becoming a Journalist. In that episode she went to a town that had not had a Black resident in years due to racism. She knew the risks and how it could possibly be dangerous since she was a Black woman herself, yet she still went because she cared about the conversation it could start. I had never seen someone who was so famous do something so fearless at the time and it motivated me to have the same mentality in my own life. It is hard being a young girl in a society that does not look at you or your dreams as being worthy of attention. Most of my friends, and myself included, have already in some way worked so hard to be heard and seen and not just equal but simply for who we are. FEARLESS and BOLD young girls.
Every girl long for a purpose and when you find it, it is not easy to fulfill it. When I finally realized that I wanted to be a writer it took a lot of hard work and dedication. I still have so much learning to do but I love it, so I owe it to myself to see it through to its fullest extent.
As I said earlier, I know it sounds cliché but every young girl at some point in time desires to fall in love. But love does not necessarily require being poisoned by an apple or falling into a comatose state, contrary to some of the books we all read. Love can be just that, love. Every young woman reaches a point in her life where she truly learns to love herself as well as fully appreciate the ones around her. I love myself and the person that I am becoming, but I could have never done it without first being that little girl who wanted everything.
The women around me like my mother, and my sister, encouraged me to be strong and fearless because they, too, know what it is like to feel powerless and that certainly is no way to live. My mom always taught me that I should always speak up for myself and fight to be heard, even when I did not want to. So, when you feel like you cannot do something or you think you are asking too much of yourself or the world, just think back to that little girl you used to be. Because through her eyes there was nothing she could not imagine doing.
NAME: Kamryan Collis
FAVORITE QUOTE: “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not” - Denis Waitley
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