The photo featured for this blog is Donald Edward Harmon wearing a Civil War Uniform. He a
re-enactor for the United States Colored Troop for the 35th USCT (New Bern, NC) and the 135th USCT (Goldsboro, NC). Donald is holding a photo of his Great-grandfather, John H. Jackson who was assigned to the 5th Massachusetts Cavalry (Colored) Civil War (Union) Army between 1861 – 1866. Donald and I, Cheryl Richardson Harmon, are also veterans of the US Army.
Since the 1800s, much have changed in the military physically, socially, and most regulations
had to adjust to the changing world or just had to be deleted. The impact of war and mental
stress of military life have not changed much although the need for mental health has been taken more seriously than ever before. As a female, the last place I thought I would ever belong was in the male-world of the Army. The following story is one reason why.
The song “War” by Edwin Star addressed the ugly truth about war, the destruction and heartache it brought not only to the world but to everyone directly or indirectly fighting the battle. In protest to the Vietnam War, every word of Starr’s song made sense when I sang the song, danced to the song, and cried to the song. I believed that there was absolutely nothing good about war when I was growing up. The senseless loss of so many lives during the Vietnam War, (or should I say “Conflict”) will never have a silver lining or be a pleasant conversation in any sense of the word. My father, William Earl Waters, was serving in the military during the Vietnam Era so it became important for me to know as much as I could about the military. I remember as a child, in December 1971, a neighbor frantically telling my mother that Mr. Albert Cooper, a Vietnam soldier, killed his entire family. I just recently read the state’s case against Mr. Cooper. Talk about a soldier being failed by the system and the military as well as the familybeing failed by the city police is a tragedy within itself and I believe that failure cost a family of 5 their lives. That unimaginable and horrific murder tore through our small town of Goldsboro, NC like a tornado and the talk about the funeral of seeing the wife and kids in their resting place is still brought up in conversations today. Sadly, during that time, Mr. Cooper and other soldiers that returned home from service, not necessarily war, were being labeled as shell-shocked; a nice way of calling the American Heroes crazy. But, if the grown-ups said it, it was the truth.
Fast forward my life about 12 years later, I am in Raleigh, NC at a Military Entrance Processing Station with my right-hand raised while stating the military oath in front of the American flag. I transferred my application documents from the Air Force Recruitment station to the Army because the Army, at that time, did not have a waiting period and as soon as I got away from a mentally unstable boyfriend (no military service involved), the better my life and my son’s life would be. Rephrase. My son and I would have a LIFE. Now, you know why I joined the military, and I guess my family will also know. Really does not matter. I was running away from abuse, fear, a meager living, finish my education, and to provide for my 3-year-old son. Wow. I lot of crap (life) have happened, huh? Literally a five- volume book.
Yep, but I was also on my way to find out what the long-term and short-term effects of the
military did to soldiers, families, friends, the body, the mental state of the mind and ME. Up until I joined, I never believed the military was for women. I felt that women were not designed to do the things men did and definitely not living outside under the stars, going to war, and carrying a weapon. A lot of things happened while I served my country. I saw lot of things happen and complained about a lot of things. Becoming damaged goods as a female can make you stronger or just weak. I chose to be stronger and revengeful, but I wasn’t alone. There were more than enough people like me to talk to for support.
As a lover of military and western movies, I would constantly yell at the television because of
some situations that the actors would find themselves saying, “If that was me, I would...” or
“Why didn’t they do this or that?” The words: mission, duty, honor, and shellshock took on a
reality-meaning and those good ole military and western movies became very real over my 21 years in the Army. Mission was my job, duty was my responsibility, honor was my pledge to my country, and shellshock was my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). A psychologist once asked me, “Which of the 2 events affected you the most, the sexual trauma or the war trauma?” I swear I looked at her for what felt like 20 minutes. Next question please.
Well, what is war good for? ... peace, power, ownership, protection, discipline. During
peacetime, the military train soldiers in preparation for battle in order to maintain peace, power, ownership, protection, discipline. What about the soldier? Other than ensuring they are physically fit by the regulation, what about mentally fit before, during, and after every mission? Movie actors were America’s military heroes when I was growing up and I can’t recall seeing a soldier seated in front of a psychologist or psychiatrist. FROM: The Inglorious Bastards, 1978 film), Midway, Apocalypse Now - TO: Ridley Scott’s “Black Hawk Down”, Alien ” and the heartfelt movie “Sniper” to name a few, these films have a story of a military mission that decided the fate of two groups, sometimes 3, but what about the mental fate of every individual involved. The cowboy rides off in the sun, but a real soldier goes home and try to blend back into the community.
The mental and physical toll on a human’s body during preparation for war or military training is definitely elevated during training or wartime service no matter how close or far back you may be from the enemy line. The mental and physical toll marinates deep in the body lying dormant once the mission is accomplished like a ticking time bomb. Is it safe to say that the military impregnated me with a bomb, and have given me pills and a robotic psychologist in an attempt to keep my levels in the green? Am I blaming the military for my PTSD because of sexual trauma or a traumatic event during my 3 deployments, or I had to witness the death of a soldier and her boyfriend because he was not going to live without her? Absolutely. Why wouldn’t I? I literally belonged to the United States Army, who was responsible for my health and welfare, my state of mind, my daily living, well-being...
Should the families of the two police officers who took their own lives after surviving the insurrection or storming of the United States Capital in Washington, DC January 6, 2021 blame he government? Why not? Whether a suicide note was left or not, something as traumatic as what the officers went through for several hours can cause enough damage to anyone mentally. “They had to have been asking themselves as soldiers do, “How do I survive this situation?” I have asked myself the same thing several times. Holding a loaded weapon out the window as our convoy drove through a town in Iraq with people everywhere that seemed excited to see you. But you are thinking in the back of your mind that not all of the civilians are overjoyed. If we were ordered to fire, which was not likely then, but would I? Would you?
That situation alone is brain damage, sleepless nights, more medication, and solitude for some individuals. Yes, the military have come a long way in treating mental illness, but it is the initial event that continues to reoccur. Yes, events affect people differently. I take medication for PTSD that stems from several traumatic events that took place during my 21 years of service, but I personally do not believe there is treatment to wipe it away, just the individual’s willpower to continue to live life the best way they know how. The brain holds all memories. Do you think a soldier should be able to remain in the military with a mental disability if he/she can perform their duties? Should soldiers have to wait until they are processed out before they get a full mental evaluation?
If interested, you can read Mr. Cooper’s documented case history that led to a family’s tragic end and a mother’s plea for help ignored. Just remember, things have changed but more needs to be done State vs Cooper.
Veterans and their families have been the change.
Please share and subscribe. I will cover my traumatic events overtime and maybe this will help others to open up and share.
CHERYL RICHARDSON
Retired US Army MSG
Ready, Willing, and Able
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